Value the Truth by Nino Mihilli

The Older I Get, the More I Value People Who Tell Me the Truth

Success Can Give You More Influence While Quietly Making Honest Feedback Harder to Find

I've learned to appreciate people who disagree with me.

I can't say I've always enjoyed it.

There's a difference.

Nobody likes hearing:

"I think you're wrong."

Especially when you've spent weeks thinking about something.

Especially when it's your business.

Your money.

Your idea.

Your decision.

Your responsibility.

The natural reaction is to defend yourself.

Explain.

Justify.

Show the person what they're missing.

But the older I get, the more I've learned to resist that first reaction.

Because sometimes the person willing to make the conversation uncomfortable is the person doing you the biggest favor.

Agreement Feels Good

Let's start there.

It feels good when people agree with you.

You explain an idea.

They love it.

You describe a strategy.

They think it's brilliant.

You tell them what you're planning.

They tell you to go for it.

There's nothing wrong with encouragement.

We need people who believe in us.

The problem begins when encouragement is the only thing we're willing to hear.

Because reality doesn't care how many people agreed with you before you made the decision.

If the decision is wrong, eventually reality sends its own feedback.

And reality tends to be less polite.

Authority Changes the Conversation

This is something leaders need to understand.

The more authority you have, the more carefully some people speak around you.

Employees know you're the owner.

Vendors know you're the customer.

People may know you control the budget.

Someone may want your business.

Someone may want the promotion.

Someone may simply want to avoid conflict.

So instead of saying:

"This doesn't make sense."

They say:

"Interesting."

Instead of:

"I think we're making a mistake."

You hear:

"We can definitely try that."

Those aren't the same answers.

If you're not careful, authority can slowly create an environment where you receive increasingly filtered information.

That's dangerous.

The Owner Can Be the Last Person to Know

I've seen versions of this in business.

Everyone close to a process knows something isn't working.

The employees know.

The customers may know.

The person answering the phone definitely knows.

But somehow the owner doesn't.

Why?

Sometimes information gets cleaned up as it moves upward.

A problem becomes a "challenge."

A recurring failure becomes an "isolated issue."

An angry customer becomes "a little frustrated."

Then leadership makes decisions using a version of reality that barely resembles what's happening on the ground.

That's why I increasingly want the unedited version.

Tell me what actually happened.

The People Closest to the Work Often See Things First

One thing I've learned through Flat Staffing is that the person with the highest title doesn't automatically have the best information.

Someone working directly with employees may notice a pattern before management does.

Someone handling schedules may understand where the process breaks.

Someone talking with customers may hear the same complaint repeatedly.

Someone doing payroll may notice an error that looks insignificant until you realize it happens every week.

The frontline sees things executives don't.

That's not a weakness in leadership.

It's simply how organizations work.

You can't personally stand everywhere.

So you need people willing to tell you what they're seeing.

And then you need enough humility to listen.

Don't Punish the Messenger

This sounds obvious.

It's harder in practice.

Imagine someone tells you something went wrong.

You're frustrated.

You react.

Maybe your tone changes.

Maybe you immediately start looking for who caused it.

Maybe the person who brought the information ends up having a miserable afternoon.

What did the organization just learn?

Don't bring Nino bad news.

Do that enough times and eventually you'll stop receiving bad news.

Unfortunately, the bad things won't stop happening.

You'll simply hear about them later.

That's worse.

I would rather know early.

Bad News Usually Gets More Expensive With Time

A small billing error can become a large one.

A dissatisfied customer can become a former customer.

A frustrated employee can become a resignation.

A weak process can become a pattern.

A minor technology problem can become a larger failure.

Problems usually don't become cheaper because nobody mentioned them.

That's why I want people around me who are comfortable saying:

"We have a problem."

Not dramatically.

Not constantly.

Just honestly.

There's a Difference Between Honesty and Negativity

This matters too.

I don't believe every criticism is wisdom.

Some people find a problem with everything.

You could hand them a winning lottery ticket and they'd complain about the taxes.

That's not what I'm talking about.

Useful disagreement has substance.

It sounds more like:

"I don't think this will work, and here's why."

Or:

"We tried something similar and this is where it failed."

Or:

"The numbers don't support what we're assuming."

Or:

"Customers keep telling us something different."

That's valuable.

Negativity shuts ideas down.

Constructive disagreement makes ideas stronger.

The Best People Don't Just Tell You You're Wrong

They help you discover why you might be wrong.

That's an important distinction.

I don't need someone whose only contribution is:

"No."

I value people who can say:

"I see what you're trying to accomplish. Here's the part I think you're missing."

Now we can have a useful conversation.

Maybe they're right.

Maybe I'm right.

Maybe neither of us is right.

Maybe the discussion produces a third idea that's better than both.

That's what good disagreement can do.

I Want Evidence, Not Just Confidence

I've become much more interested in evidence over the years.

Confidence is persuasive.

Someone can sound absolutely certain and still be absolutely wrong.

I've done it.

We all have.

So when people disagree, I want to understand what they're seeing.

What's the evidence?

What assumption are we making?

What changed?

What would prove us wrong?

What are customers actually doing?

What do the numbers show?

What happened the last time?

The goal isn't to win the argument.

The goal is to make a better decision.

Those are very different objectives.

Being the Owner Doesn't Make My Idea Better

This is worth saying plainly.

My idea doesn't become correct because I own the company.

My title doesn't change reality.

Neither does experience.

Experience can improve judgment.

But experience can also create assumptions.

Sometimes someone newer asks the question everyone else stopped asking years ago.

"Why do we do it this way?"

And everyone looks around.

"Because we've always done it this way."

That's not a very impressive answer.

I've learned not to dismiss questions simply because the person asking has less experience.

Fresh eyes have value.

AI Has Made Me Think About This Differently Too

One of the things I find most useful about AI isn't having something agree with me.

I can find people to agree with me.

What I want is something that helps expose what I missed.

Challenge the assumption.

Look for contradictory evidence.

Show me another interpretation.

Ask the question I didn't ask.

That same principle applies to people.

The most valuable person in the room isn't always the person who immediately understands why your idea is brilliant.

Sometimes it's the person who spots the hole in it before the hole costs you money.

Marriage Has Its Own Version of This

Business isn't the only place where this matters.

The people closest to us often see things we can't.

A spouse can notice when work is taking too much.

Family can notice when your priorities are drifting.

A close friend may recognize that you're making a decision emotionally instead of rationally.

Those conversations can be even harder because they're personal.

But the people who genuinely love you don't only protect your feelings.

Sometimes they protect you from yourself.

That's a valuable relationship.

I Don't Want to Surround Myself With an Audience

There's a difference between a team and an audience.

An audience applauds.

A team participates.

A good team challenges.

Questions.

Improves.

Catches mistakes.

Brings information.

Takes ownership.

Says something when something needs to be said.

If everyone in the room always agrees with the person at the top, I'm not sure you have a leadership team.

You may have spectators.

The Leader Has to Make Honesty Safe

This is the part leaders can't outsource.

You can tell people:

"I want honest feedback."

But they'll watch what happens when somebody actually gives it.

That's the real policy.

Do you become defensive?

Do you embarrass them?

Do you hold it against them later?

Do you interrupt?

Or do you ask questions?

You don't have to agree with every criticism.

You don't even have to act on it.

But people should be able to respectfully disagree without worrying that honesty just damaged their future.

That's culture.

Truth From a Friend Can Hurt

Proverbs 27:6 says:

"Wounds from a friend can be trusted, but an enemy multiplies kisses."

I've always thought that's a powerful verse.

Sometimes the person telling you what you want to hear isn't helping you.

And sometimes the uncomfortable conversation is coming from the person who actually cares.

Wisdom is learning to tell the difference.

I'm Trying to Defend My Ideas Less

This is something I'm still working on.

When someone challenges an idea, my first job doesn't need to be defending it.

I can ask:

"What are you seeing that I'm not?"

That's a much better question.

Maybe after hearing everything, I'll still make the same decision.

Leadership eventually requires decisions.

You can't operate a company by committee on everything.

But I want the decision to survive disagreement before it has to survive reality.

If an idea falls apart because someone asked three difficult questions, they didn't destroy a great idea.

They saved us from a weak one.

Success Makes This More Important, Not Less

The more successful someone becomes, the easier it can be to assume their instincts are always right.

Past success creates confidence.

Sometimes deserved confidence.

But yesterday's win doesn't guarantee today's judgment.

Industries change.

Technology changes.

Customers change.

People change.

You change.

I don't ever want to reach a point where my previous accomplishments become evidence that nobody should question my next decision.

That sounds like the beginning of a very expensive lesson.

Final Thoughts

The older I get, the more I value people who are willing to tell me the truth.

Not cruelly.

Not disrespectfully.

Not because they enjoy disagreement.

But because they care enough to be honest.

Tell me the customer is unhappy.

Tell me the process isn't working.

Tell me the numbers don't support the story.

Tell me the idea has a hole in it.

Tell me I'm spending too much time on something that doesn't matter.

Tell me when I'm wrong.

I may not agree.

I may ask questions.

I may ultimately make a different decision.

But I want to hear it.

Because leadership shouldn't be about creating an environment where everyone agrees with you.

It should be about creating an environment where the truth has the best chance of reaching you.

The people who always tell you what you want to hear may make your day easier.

The people willing to tell you what you need to hear may make your life better.

I'm learning to value the second group more every year.

— Nino Mihilli

Stay Connected with Nino Mihilli

🌐 Personal Website: https://www.ninomihilli.com

🏢 T47 Group: https://www.t47group.com

👷 Flat Staffing: https://www.flatstaffing.com

📖 Read Nino Mihilli's novel, The Variable, on Amazon: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0GX3783RG

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